


Through Shadows That Linger

by FereldansFinest, orphan_account



Series: Shirave and Nyla Lavellan [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff sometimes, Love/Hate, M/M, Off Canon, Original Character Death(s), Original Characters - Freeform, PTSD, Past Drug Use, Polyamory, Self-Harm, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-07-24 15:40:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7513906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FereldansFinest/pseuds/FereldansFinest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nyla and Shirave Lavellan have survived through the destruction of their clan. The Qunari Invasion of Kirkwall. The fall of Kirkwall's Circle and the Rite of Annulment. The three years of running. All that is left now, is to survive the Inquisition, and maybe see a better day at the end of it all. Led by a nineteen-year-old Inquisitor and his sister, they have to finally make a stand for the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Only the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I will sporadically add in bits and pieces from their past throughout this story, but here is what you need to know as an introduction to Shirave and Nyla.
> 
> They were more or less abandoned in the alienage in Kirkwall after the destruction of their clan. Hawke and co ran into them when Shirave was 7 and Nyla was 12, as they were being chased by Templars. They were effectively adopted into the Hawke family after he got the estate back, and the only major event they didn't take part in was the trip into the Deep Roads, because they were too young. If you haven't played DA2, sorry for the inevitable spoilers!
> 
> This is absolutely going to be a slow burn for the Nyla/Cullen relationship because, well, Cullen is a pretty terrible person in DA2 and coming to love and trust someone who once said that your baby brother wasn't a person because he is a mage? Yyyyyyeah. It'll take a bit. It's worth it.
> 
> Shirave Lavellan was created by fereldans-finest.tumblr.com.

"We will be safe." That was the last thing they said to Hawke before they left home and struck out on their own. They'd been living under the protective wings of their brother and his lovers for too long. Nyla and Shirave were restless. They needed to be out in the world. As far as they knew, no one even knew they existed in Kirkwall in the first place. Varric had been kind enough to leave them out of the Tale of the Champion. Their involvement was entirely eliminated. It was for the best, he said, they were only children at the time. But, arguably, they weren't anymore. Shirave was 19 and Nyla was 24. They had to start making their way in the world themselves.

That didn't mean it was easy. It certainly didn't mean that it was fair. Nyla couldn't even remember how they got to the place the humans called Haven. There was a large gap in her memory. She remembered them traveling through the Frostbacks and then...waking up on cold stone with her arms shackled in front of her. The fact that Shirave wasn't there was what really angered her. She demanded to have him back. He was in pain, and he was scared. His left hand glowed green and crackled with energy she couldn't begin to understand. Only that it was linked to the hole in the sky. One more thing to afflict them with pain and terror. Seeing Varric mixed up in it again, after three years, was a blessing. He was pleased - as much as could be expected of him - that they were alive. He couldn't say they were alive and well, however. Nyla still had her deadly fighting spirit, as always, but Shirave was a mess with the Anchor on his hand. He was not in good shape.

They were both in even worse shape when they got close to the Breach. The sight of it and the carnage it caused was enough to make their skin crawl. What put Nyla instantly on the defensive was the sight of one man. She got in between him and Shirave. They both remembered him, and judging by the slightly stunned and horrified look he gave them, he remembered them as well. How could Nyla forget him? She'd been the one to put that scar on his face. To see Cullen Rutherford again here, after the past they'd left behind, was just one more kick in the chest. He didn't dwell on them, just helped some of his men escape before they went into the wreckage of the Conclave. 

It was a blur of a fight that whipped past them like a storm. The trauma of fighting the pride demon rendered them unconscious as soon as the fight was over. Nyla woke in a haze, in a bed across from her brother's. The other apostate, Solas, was tending to him. She groaned and sat up as carefully as she could. He glanced over to her.

"Is he ok?" Nyla asked, her voice thick and tired.  
"He will be. He just needs rest. But the mark will not grow anymore, for now." Solas replied.

She sighed in relief and ran a hand through her messy copper hair. Nyla noticed she was in more casual clothes when she stood up, and she raised an eyebrow at Solas. He chuckled.

"It was not me. Don't worry."

Well, that was a relief. Nyla stretched and groaned again at the popping of her sore joints. Shirave was going to sleep for a while. She wanted to find Varric, ask him what had been going on. She left the little house they were situated in and stepped outside into the cold. Wearing boots was definitely strange, but it was better than getting frostbite on her feet. She found her friend by a fire. He smiled at her.

"Good to see you're alive, Knives. I was starting to worry that I'd have to write Anders and Fenris." He joked.  
"They would burn this place to the ground if we died." Nyla laughed.

She sat down next to him, enjoying the warmth of the fire. She pulled her knees up to her chest. 

"Were we asleep for long?" She asked.  
"A few days. After what you went through, I'm not very surprised. What were you two doing there, anyways?"  
"I...I honestly don't know. I don't remember." Nyla sighed.

Varric put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. His smile was comforting. Like what he'd give them when they were kids, scared of everything happening around them. Nyla put her hand over his and took a deep breath. She heard _his_ voice again, and she froze up. Varric squeezed again.

"Easy. I know you and Curly aren't exactly friends, but..."  
"Varric. Are you about to play devil's advocate for him?" She asked, her tone sharp.  
"You'll see. Just trust me."

She stared at him in disbelief, but she didn't have time to argue with him. Cullen was coming over. His shoulders were straight, and he looked tense. His expression was guarded. Nyla gave him a cold look. He cleared his throat.

"Your brother is awake, and he specifically asked that you join us." He said, very careful in his choice of words.

Nyla got up stiffly. She started to walk past him, stopping in her tracks for a moment to turn around. 

"If you so much as look at him the wrong way. I won't miss your throat this time." She snapped.

She made quick work of the way up to the Chantry. Cullen stood rooted in place, staring wide eyed after her. He was broken out of his horror when Varric laughed.

"Well. This is going to go well."


	2. His Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of insight into the past the Lavellans share with Cullen.

The moment he saw them, he was seized with dread. Or at least, he would have been, if demons pouring from the rift in front of them hadn't been their most pressing issue. Cullen knew he noticed them before they recognized him. How could he forget them? Try as he might, Kirkwall haunted his memories and lingered in his nightmares. He didn't forget a single person in Hawke's company. Even if the Lavellans had been very much left out of Varric's retelling of the events. He knew them. There was no doubt in his mind that they would have forgotten him, either. Not after what he'd done. 

Cullen rushed through speaking to Cassandra. Nyla's gaze, cold and steel and anger all swimming together in her eyes, pierced straight through him. Shirave was hiding slightly behind her, clutching his staff tightly. Of course. They knew him as a Templar. They still thought he was, even if he showed no outward signs of being a part of the Order. He didn't keep them long, just rushed away to help a limping soldier escape the ruins of the Conclave before the real battle began. He maintained a safe distance beyond the gates, joining the throngs of people looking at the sky as the Breach was neutralized. That would have to do for now. He told the soldiers carrying the siblings to take them to one of the empty houses and take care of them. Treat them, have new clothes ready, whatever they could do. It wasn't an optimal situation, but they were part of this now.

He didn't realize just how badly that scared him until he was in his tent, ridding himself of his armor to try to sleep. Cullen set everything carefully in its place. He was methodical. It was the only distraction he had for the spider-like thoughts creeping up the back of his memory. He looked at himself in the broken glass that served as his mirror. Idly, he brushed a finger along the scar on his face. She'd done that to him. He remembered, as if it had happened yesterday instead of nearly 4 years ago. When Cullen closed his eyes, he saw it perfectly. Shirave and Nyla standing in the courtyard, waiting for Hawke to return from speaking to Meredith. Cullen had approached them. He knew Shirave was an apostate. He threatened him. Maker, Shirave had still been a child and he _threatened_ him. Nyla reacted violently, defending her brother. The sharp edge of her dagger digging from his lip up in a jagged line when she'd gotten the better of him was a clear memory. He shouted in pain, falling over, and she held her blades to his throat. He remembered Shirave pulling her off, telling her to stop, and trying to do something. Heal him maybe? He wasn't sure. As soon as Shirave got too close, his comrades were moving in, and Nyla and Shirave ran away from them. Cullen remembered the anger he felt amidst the pain. What was he angry about? Being bested by a girl, who was only 20 years old? Being cut by her blade? Not being able to stop the apostate? Or was he angry for saying such harsh things to a young boy? 

He splashed some water from a basin in his face, but the memories still plagued him. They wouldn't trust him, of course. They only saw any sort of goodness in him when it was too late, and Kirkwall was burning down around them. No doubt they still thought he was the same, despicable man he'd been as a Templar. He couldn't blame them. They had every right to despise him. But if they were going to work together, he had to try to make a difference. He had to show them he was on their side, somehow. Unfortunately...the best way to do that would easily be the hardest. He lied on top of his bedroll, staring at the canvas above his head while he thought. Shirave would be too afraid to speak to him alone. He was always timid, Cullen didn't see reason to think it had changed. He didn't want to leave more lasting scars in the boy than he already had before. That left trying to appeal to Nyla. Her total look of contempt for him resurfaced, fresh and biting. No easy undertaking. 

When morning came, he was still no closer to a solution than he had been before. It didn't distract him from his duties. Just lingered in the corners of his mind. He was grateful for the break when Cassandra came several hours later. Shirave was awake, in their small war room. He wanted his sister before they conducted any official business. Cullen told her to go on ahead, he would try to speak to Nyla himself. Test the waters. See just how deep her hatred was.

She was sitting with Varric when he approached. He did see, from the corners of his eyes, her go stiff when he stopped to address a messenger. Still, he went to the two, hands wrapped tight around the pommel of his sword entirely out of nerves. Varric was speaking to her quietly, whatever he was saying clearly wasn't impressing her. Cullen took a deep breath.

"Your brother is awake, and he specifically asked that you join us." He said. He kept his tone neutral, conversational.

Nyla spared Varric a glance before she got to her feet, and brushed past him without a word. Well, that was better than nothing, he thought. Until he heard her footsteps in the snow stop.

"If you so much as look at him the wrong way. I won't miss your throat this time."

His head snapped to the side so fast he might have pulled something. Her retreating form was all he saw. It wasn't an idle threat. He knew that. Cullen had a few seconds to study her in combat at the Conclave, and she was lethal. But the vitriol in her tone made his blood run cold. Varric's chuckle pulled him from his stunned stupor.

"Well. This is going to go well." He commented.  
"Maker's breath...I have no idea where to even begin." Cullen rubbed his neck.  
"They'll come around. Just give them some time. They're out of their element here and very far from home."  
"I'm not sure time is going to change anything. They still think I'm..." Cullen sighed.  
"Listen, Curly. They're not unreasonable. You're not what they think you are. At least, not anymore."  
"...I just hope they see that before I have a knife buried in my back."

He needed to get to the war room. Cassandra gave him a disapproving look for being late, and he took his place on the other side of the table. She cleared her throat and looked at the Lavellans. He cut her off before she could give an introduction.

"We are acquainted." Cullen said, before he looked at the two. "I am pleased to see that the two of you survived. Your skills have certainly grown. I hope, despite the past, we can still work together, for all our sakes."

Shirave just gave him a small, slightly afraid nod. Nyla was looking at him like she was studying him, trying to find an angle or a game he was playing. When it didn't seem that she could find anything, she just nodded and put her hand over Shirave's to comfort him. With an internal sigh of relief from him, they began their meeting.


	3. Bitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon returning home from Val Royeaux, Nyla gets her official orders.

Seeing Haven again was a blessing, even if she hadn't considered it one before. Val Royeaux, however, had been terrible and Nyla couldn't wait to leave. It was one unmitigated disaster after another. The total disrespect from the Orlesians, especially when it came to the fact that they were elves. The way the Lord Seeker regarded everyone with such disdain, even striking down an innocent woman. Even if she had insulted them, she didn't deserve such cruelty. Nyla didn't even want to hear Cassandra try to scramble for an excuse to defend him. She wasn't listening anyways. She was holding Shirave, protecting him while he trembled in fear. Sure, they were treated poorly for their race all of the time. But this cut deep and hurt in a way only Orlesians were capable of hurting. And then they just had to meet Sera, who greeted them with annoyed disgust for their race, and Vivienne, who they quickly stopped trusting for the way she spoke about the rebel mages. Horrible. Terrible. Every bit of this was just painful to sit through. When she and Shirave had a moment alone, on their walk back to Haven, she spoke quietly to him.

"We could leave, you know. Let the world fall to its fate. We could just go back home to our family." She said, holding his hand.  
He hesitated, but shook his head. "No. I want to live."

Nyla wouldn't blame him for that. They didn't know what would happen if he didn't destroy the Breach. At that moment, Solas was the one who was keeping it from spreading and killing him. If they ran away, it would take his life. Nyla didn't think she could live with that. Not with the guilt or the loss.

They were exhausted when they came into the war room. Cassandra was just finishing briefing the three advisers about what had happened with the Lord Seeker. Four pairs of eyes turned to them while they took their places. Shirave put his hands on the table to balance himself. Nyla knew he was dead on his feet, he needed sleep and warmth. Both of them were probably going to get frostbite in their feet soon. She was watching him while they talked. Her interested waned. She was looking for any signs of him breaking. She knew his trouble with being open with his emotions. He had the hardest time, and no matter what they did, it hadn't gotten any better since Mother died. That was why it was so important for her to remain at his side. Only she could understand him, and help to protect him from himself.

"Nyla?"

Shirave's concerned voice shattered her thoughts and she shook her head. He was looking at her, as were Cassandra and Leliana. Nyla rubbed her forehead. 

"I'm sorry, Shirave. Just tired. Go ahead."  
"While we were away, orders were planned for you." Cassandra said, possibly irritated by having to repeat herself.  
"...Orders?" Nyla raised an eyebrow, looking confused.

A nervously cleared throat echoed from across the table. Nyla's gaze shifted to Cullen now. He met it with little hesitation, though there was...something in his eyes. Something she didn't really understand. It wasn't fear. What was it? But he placed his hands on the pommel of his sword. They weren't implying she'd be working alongside him. They couldn't be. 

"You'll begin working with the recruits, with me." Cullen confirmed her fears.

Nyla looked at Shirave. He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. No, he didn't like the idea either. His discomfort mirrored how she felt. She frowned and looked up at Cassandra.

"Please explain. I don't understand. What is it you think I can offer that the Commander can't take care of?" Nyla asked, burying her outrage behind a careful facade of professionalism.  
"Your brother was telling me more about your dealings in Kirkwall that I was unaware of. I believe you could assist with the training of the Inquisition forces." Cullen answered, even though she'd pointedly misdirected the question. His tone was all business.

There were so many comments she could hurl at him. Of course he was unaware of their "dealings" in Kirkwall. He'd been behind plenty of them. He and his damned Templars had driven them into hiding. Almost killed them as children. Why would he be aware of what he was complicit in watching happen? Nyla bit the inside of her mouth and took a measured breath.

"If that is what has been decided, then I will comply." She was tense and struggled under the strain of keeping herself in check.  
He looked slightly surprised. "I will be honest. I did not expect cooperation. I'm more than glad that you're willing to lend us your talents. I-"  
Shirave held up a hand quickly. "Stop. Please. She agreed. You don't need to continue." He was uncomfortable, and Nyla heard the small tremor in his voice.

Cullen nodded and rubbed his neck. Nyla watched the motion before turning her attention back to Shirave. While her other hand was balled into a tight fist, she took his hand and squeezed it. They shared a look, one of worry and fear. He was afraid for her. She was worried for him. This had to be done. She couldn't cause problems for him. He was already under an immense amount of stress. This would be on her shoulders alone.

"I'll assume I'm to follow you after this meeting for further instruction?" Nyla asked Cullen.  
"Yes. I should brief you on the situation. Since we'll be working close together, it's best that we speak soon."

She nodded. Josephine was quick to push another subject onto the table, about the Templars and Mages now. Nyla wasn't listening. She'd checked out, and was just trying to keep herself reigned in and Shirave feeling secure. It was over much too soon, and she was watching him give her a sad look before walking out of the room. Nyla followed Cullen out, staying a half pace behind him as they walked through the snow, out of the fortress and to the yard where the recruits trained. Once there, though they were removed from them so no idle ears could hear, he stopped and half-turned to her.

"I feel that you and I are greatly on the wrong foot. As your colleague, I'd at least like to boost us up onto neutral terms. I know what is on your mind, and-"  
"What is your game, Commander? Is this all so you can keep an eye on the potential charges you lost?"

Nyla cutting him off took him aback. She could see the words fail on his lips. They weren't in the war room. She didn't need to hold back her bite anymore. But his shock was about something completely different. It soon shifted to confusion. His eyebrows tugged inwards, and he dropped his hands away from his sword. She looked at him expectantly. There was clearly something he wasn't getting out.

"...You think I'm still a Templar." He said slowly.  
"As if you would be anything else. Like any of you would walk away." Her head tilted just a little.  
"Nyla, I cut ties with the Order after Kirkwall. The things I saw. What I did. I couldn't have anything to do with it any longer. I would not be here if I still stood with them." Cullen crossed his arms over his chest, looking down with her with an incredulous expression.  
She huffed. "You expect me to believe that. But you're all the same."

That confused and put off look on his face wiped away. It was replaced with anger. She felt all-too familiar fear creep up her spine, and she inched her hand towards her belt. Towards her daggers, and safety. Cullen held his arms out slightly.

"Do you see me in Templar armor? Their colors on me? Do you see any branding of theirs?" He asked, frustration hanging on every word. When she offered no answer, he continued. "You think me prejudiced. You thought of me that way before. Perhaps you ought to take a long look at yourself."

He didn't stay long enough to see the dumbfounded look on her face. Cullen turned and walked towards a row of tents, one that she'd be occupying soon as well. He was going back to them. Nyla only allowed herself to linger in stunned silence for a moment. But she pushed herself forward, spurred on both by the creeping pain in her bare feet from standing still in the snow, and his reaction to her. She caught up to him as he was opening the flap of canvas that covered the front of his tent.

"You think I'm unreasonable." She started, and it was enough to make him stop, but not turn around. "But you were the one who tried to kill my brother. Don't think for a second that I've forgotten about that."  
Cullen wheeled around, dropping the cloth in his hand to look at her. Angry, but tired. "If I was the same man I was then, all those years ago. If I had seen you and your brother, Nyla, I would have attacked you. But here I stand as an eager ally. One whom you still see as a menace, despite my efforts to prove to you that I pose no threat."  
"Anyone can turn at a moments notice. No matter how sincere they seem. We've had to learn that to save our skins. Given what I know about you, no, I don't trust you...but I'll do as I was instructed. I'll work with you. Because all I want to do now is go home. I want the sky fixed so Shirave and I won't have to be here anymore. So, Commander, when am I to report to you?"

A terse silence settled between them. It was like a duel in its own way. She was sizing him up, watching his features, waiting to see what he would do. And he was doing the same thing while his eyes roamed over her face. Cullen finally dropped some of that frustration, unwilling to fight with her.

"Report at dawn, soldier." He said tiredly, with resignation.  
"Ser." Before she got too far away, she turned her head. "You said I'm prejudiced. I am. Mine was born of fear. Yours was taught to you."

She fled quickly. She didn't see him grit his teeth so hard they might shatter, and disappear into his tent. No. She just wanted her brother, and for dawn to never come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Nyla said some harsh stuff. It is partially in character any partially because I live for writing drama and suffering, so getting to Perseverance and Cullen telling her about Fereldan? That's gonna be fuuuun.


	4. Letters From Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric brings Shirave and Nyla some good news. Shirave has a crush on Krem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to writing this after some recent drama. Please leave comments if you're enjoying this work, thank you for all of the kudos as well! That this might be enjoyable to anyone is amazing.

“I wish you could stay here. I hate sleeping alone.” Shirave looked over at Nyla from his bed. She shrugged, handing him a piece of the apple she'd been cutting up.   
“Trust me, I don't want to be camped out right next to his tent. But I am, and I have to do what he says.” Nyla was very unhappy with that.   
“I'm sorry, da’mi. I should have fought it...” He looked down. She got up quickly and sat down next to him.   
“It's not your fault. You didn't decide it.” Nyla rubbed his back gently. 

He couldn't help the guilt that crawled under his skin. If he'd only spoken up, Nyla could be with him instead of working that close to someone who'd hurt them so badly. She was probably hurting. He rubbed his arms. Nyla hugged him. 

“Da’vhenan, I'm ok. Really. It's awkward, but I'm managing.” She said, reassuring.   
He nodded a little. “If you say so...well, at least our new friends are out there, too, so you have someone to talk to.” Shirave tried to cheer up. 

It had only been a few days since that man, Cremisius Aclassi had turned up outside of the Chantry. Nyla had been arguing with Cullen at the time, so she only heard about it after the fact. But Shirave got to stop and talk to him, and he had to admit that he was enamored. That only magnified when they went to the Storm Coast and Shirave got to watch him lift a maul over his head like it was nothing. He blushed when he thought about it, and Nyla smirked. 

“Aww. You're too cute.” She teased him. He buried his face in his pillow.  
“He's so big.” He squeaked. “And...”  
“And?”   
“The Iron Bull.”  
Realization crossed her face. “Ohh. You're thinking about your dream man?” She smiled.

Shirave had very interesting dreams when they were children, but two in particular stuck out to him. One was him with a man he couldn't make out the details of, but he was happy and warm in his arms, and there was a Qunari who would have drinks and laugh with them. There wasn’t any pain, Shirave didn’t feel sad. He was just content.

“Well, I hope he's the one. It'll make you happy, and you deserve that more than anyone here.” She said.  
“You do too. I hope the man you're going to marry is here somewhere.” Shirave nodded, looking at his feet.   
“I haven’t thought about that in years.” Nyla admitted.  
“Well, if it happens for me, it’s going to happen for you. I know it.” The hope in his voice made Nyla smile.

Nyla loved her brother more than anything in all of Thedas. He was all she really felt that she had. The one constant that never changed. They’d lost a lot, but not each other. While she thought about that, there was a knock on Shirave’s door. He looked over as Varric walked in. He closed the door behind him and looked between the two.

“You guys didn’t get this from me. You didn’t even see me.” He said as he handed them two letters. “But I had to tell your family you were here.”

Nyla took one, and their names were written across the envelope in neat and careful letters. Fenris. He was probably practicing some more. Shirave hugged the other letter to his chest. Varric smiled at them and took a seat at a desk in the room. Nyla sat down next to Shirave and opened the first letter. The majority of it was written by Anders, with a few notes here and there from Fenris. They were happy that they were safe, when they heard about the Breach they’d been afraid for them and it was a huge relief to hear from them. They didn’t know where Hawke was or they would have written to him themselves. They were pretty angry about not knowing where their fiancee was. If they needed anything at all, they’d try to send for help, and they loved the two very much. Shirave leaned his head against Nyla’s shoulder as she folded it back up and tucked it into her coat. Hawke, of course, was always a man of few words. He couldn’t tell them where he was, but he was safe and was so happy that they were, too. There were some really important things he had to do but they could tell Varric if they wanted to write back. He’d always be there to support them, and he’d drop everything and come to them if they needed help. But most of all, he loved them, and if Varric let them die he was going to ruin every fabric of his entire life. It made the two laugh. 

Varric smiled warmly at them. “That makes it worth the risk of writing to him.” He said.  
“We haven’t really had time to sit down and talk to you about it, but why were you already here?” Shirave asked him.  
“Oh, the Seeker caught up to me and was demanding answers about the Tale of the Champion. She wanted to know where Hawke was.”  
“And you didn’t tell them?”  
“If Hawke had been here...I’m pretty sure he’d be dead, too. The world has already done enough to that man. I just wanted to give him a little peace.”  
“I haven’t read the story. Anders told us that you left us out of it.” Shirave added.  
“You were just kids. You didn’t need to be dragged into it, too.” Varric shook his head.

Nyla stayed quiet. She had read the story, and she avoided talking about it to Shirave. There were a lot of things in it that he would be sick knowing about. Things like knowing why Carver didn’t come back from the Deep Roads, the full details of the Qunari invasion, and what really happened to their mother. She definitely didn’t want him to know about that. She’d been sick for a week after reading about that. It was one thing Nyla never blamed them for, when they’d hid the truth from them. At their age, it would have destroyed them to know that their mother was turned into something so horrible.

“If you want to send letters to them, let me know. I’ll only take the risk for you two. You deserve that.” Varric chuckled.  
“Thanks Varric. You’re the only reason I can feel sort of safe here.” Shirave smiled.  
“Don’t mention is, Pastels. You and your sister are the only reason I’m staying.”  
When he got up to leave, Nyla sighed and got up from the bed. “I should go, too. Early start in the morning.” She rolled her eyes.  
“Ok, da’mi.” Shirave gave her a sad look and she hugged him tight.  
“Goodnight, da’vhenan. I’ll see you in the morning.”

It might have been the only time that he managed to get to sleep peacefully, clutching Hawke’s letter to his chest. Happy to have just that tiny piece of home back with him.


	5. Admissions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to my friend Gavin for helping me with dialogue. And thank you to anyone reading this. Comments and kudos are always appreciated. 
> 
> There's now art of Nyla, over at my blog queen-of-slamalot on tumblr. It's my icon/sidebar art, the rebloggable version is under the tag #nylalavellan.

Things were slowly changing around Haven. Or maybe she and Shirave were changing. It was months now since the arrival of the Breach. Months since they'd come to Haven with the rest of what was to be the Inquisition. Where they'd isolated themselves in the past, keeping to themselves or only talking to Varric, they were now trying to be more open. Shirave spent a lot of his downtime in the tavern with the Chargers. Nyla thought that maybe he was trying to fulfill his own prophecy, but she didn't blame him. He didn't look so scared and upset all of the time with them. The more he was accepted with them, the more she hoped that Krem was the one. Anything to give him some peace and happiness. 

Nyla, when she wasn't busy working, had been finding her own comfort in Solas, strangely enough. It was clear to her from the start that his interest in most things elvhen was minimal. But talking to him about the Fade and learning more of his travels in it piqued her interest. She wasn't a mage, she couldn't experience it like he and Shirave could, them both being dreamers. All she'd ever known of it before were the demons that constantly stuck with Shirave and haunted him. She'd mentioned it to Solas a few times and she thought maybe he'd done something, since her brother seemed so unburdened. But if he was, he never told either of them. At his core, Nyla could tell he was a good man. 

She was proud of herself for one other thing. It was fairly major though. She wasn't feeling afraid and defensive around the Commander. At least, not nearly as much. She couldn't say that she trusted him. Not exactly that. There was always still a twinge of doubt in her heart. Even she could see his effort, the careful way he talked to her and Shirave, more importantly. He kept his distance and didn't try to get in his space. When Shirave started to become overwhelmed, he'd back off and offer to speak another time. For whatever reason, he was trying. There was no way he could be faulted for that. 

“Nyla.” His voice called from across the field, and the soldier she'd been helping lowered his shield and sword. Nyla kicked the shield out of his hand and knocked his wrist up.   
“Nothing should ever take you out of stance, or you're dead in a heartbeat.” Nyla said. He nodded and gathered his things up while she went to Cullen. He chuckled. “I made the most of an opportunity for a lesson. You needed something?” She asked him.   
“We're both needed in the war room.” Cullen answered.   
“Finally ready to make alliance plans? Not that you don't already know what Shirave's answer is.” She said as they walked.   
“I know I can't change his mind. I won't try to force his hand. If he even considered it at all-”  
“Don't get your hopes up.”

He had to know that she was right. There was no way that Shirave had ever entertained the idea of getting help from the Templars. He'd never voluntarily seek out his own oppressors. Certainly not when they'd started indiscriminately killing any mages they came across. If it truly bothered Cullen, he stayed quiet about it. Or maybe he just finally understood. 

They got into the room early, and Shirave stood next to Nyla when he arrived. He smiled at her only briefly. Once the door closed, he looked at them seriously. He put his hands down on the table in front of him. 

“I'm going to take Nyla, Bull, and Solas, and go to Redcliffe. Tomorrow, if possible.” Shirave said.   
Nyla nodded. “I can be ready whenever you need me. Any objections, Commander?”  
Cullen looked at the Lavellans, tense. "I really think you ought to at least consider the Templars, if only briefly. I don't think that this decision is the wisest you could make." He sounded concerned, uncomfortable.  
Shirave looked up at him. "And, you think somehow, a Mage, an apostate Mage that was involved in the Chantry explosion and the Circle Annulment of Kirkwall... Approaching the Templars, is wiser somehow?" He barely kept the vitriol out of his voice.  
Nyla frowned and folded her arms. “I thought you weren't going to try to force his hand. You knew this was inevitable.” She pointed out. She was somewhat disappointed. Part of her hoped he could actually start to be trustworthy.  
“Not to mention that the usefulness of the Templars at this point, is pure speculation. We don't know that they could be effective against the Breach.” Leliana said. This was not uncommon, most of their discussions on this issue ended in an argument, which the three women passively watched.  
"I'm not trying to force him into a different decision. I just want him to assess every option. I understand his opposition.” Cullen relaxed, just a bit, despite his hand tightening around the pommel of his sword.   
"I'm going to Redcliffe. I'm not going to consider the Templars. Considering one of them tried to kill me just for being in his vicinity." He looked at Cullen accusatorially. "I may have been wrong in trying to trust you, Commander. I'm not sure if I can."   
Cassandra looked at them both. "Enough. Would you two quit your bickering? A decision has been made. Arguing about what will be done is getting us nowhere. We have to be sure he'll be safe, Commander. If you wish to lament his choice, do it privately."

Nyla was personally at her wits end with all of this fighting. She pinched the bridge of her nose. Maybe she was softening, or maybe she was just exhausted. But she was through with this.

“I agree with Cassandra.” Nyla immediately felt Shirave's eyes on her with her admission. She continued anyways. “This is getting us nowhere. It never helps. The primary focus of our efforts should be stopping the Breach and putting this nightmare behind all of us. Not our personal biases. Agreed?” She looked between Shirave and Cullen.  
Cullen took a breath. "Yes. The fate of the world is much more of a priority. I apologize." He seemed a little frustrated.  
Shirave nodded. "Thank you Cassandra. And, Leliana is right. We can only speculate the usefulness of the Templars. I can't put stock in something so dangerous if we're only grasping at straws." He stood up. "I'm going to go and prepare, if it's of no difference. I think enough has been said here."

As Josephine, Leliana, and Cassandra left the room, Nyla knew there was going to be damage control to deal with. She ran a hand through her hair and touched Shirave's back. She smiled gently at him.

“I'll see you at dinner. I still have work to do.” She said.   
He took her hand and shook his head. “I don't trust him. I'm not leaving yet.”  
Cullen made a frustrated noise that Nyla was very used to hearing by now. “What more must I do to prove that I am no longer the man you think I am?” He asked.  
“He's had plenty of opportunities to harm me, Shirave. He never has.” Nyla said, though she regretted it immediately with the hurt look Shirave gave her.   
He turned his ire on Cullen instead of her. “You were ready to force me to side with the Templars. After everything done to me by them. After everything you did yourself. Nyla may be around you more, but I see the same man in different armor.”  
“Shirave, please. Go prepare for the trip. This isn't worth it.” Nyla just wanted this situation defused. 

He looked more hurt than he had before, but he left quickly without another word. Nyla rubbed her face, closing her eyes and sighing heavily. She heard Cullen moving around the table. 

“I never meant to cause tension in your family. I'm sorry.”  
“It's unavoidable. I'm in no way forgiving and forgetting, and I'll never turn against my brother. But I can't delude myself and allow my bias to cloud my judgment. You deserve credit where it is due. But Shirave won't see that, because he doesn't put himself in close contact with you. So to him, I'm just defending you and spiting him. I can't win.” Nyla said with a hard laugh.   
“It isn't your fault for what he can't see. But it seems only the Maker forgives me for what I've done. I don't blame either of you for that. Kirkwall left scars on all of us. I hope one day he'll give me room for repentance as you have.” The exhaustion in his voice was like an echo of what she felt in her head. 

She remembered a moment of that night, as they were running up the steps of the Gallows to flee into the Circle. She was fighting him again, and this time when she kicked his sword away and got him to his knees, she didn't try to kill him. She yelled at him, and asked him if this was really just. Was the devastation being wrought really worth it? Nyla thought for a second that she saw remorse in his eyes before she ran away. And then he'd fought against Meredith with them, and let them flee the city. Nyla sighed and opened her eyes. 

“I don't want to live in the shadow of hell that Kirkwall left us in. I'm tired of being shackled to the past.” She said quietly.   
“I want nothing to do with the man you knew in Kirkwall. If it takes the rest of my life to clean that slate, so be it. Please rest well tonight. The road to Redcliffe won't be easy. Take care of yourself, Nyla.” Cullen said before he walked out of the room. 

She stayed behind to gather herself for a few moments, holding back old wounds that threatened to tear open and rip her apart again. She wouldn't let it. Nyla took a deep breath and left the Chantry, trying to keep her head high and herself from falling to pieces.


	6. In Hushed Whispers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters with canon events will probably be shorter than most because I don't want to copy dialogue and events word for word. You guys know what happens! I just write the things relevant to the change for Nyla and Shirave.
> 
> Thanks for the support, as always. Only a few filler chapters before In Your Heart Shall Burn!

Shirave and Dorian stood in the prison cell underneath Redcliffe castle. While Dorian babbled, Shirave was panicking. Things had gone from bad, to worse, to downright horrible in just a matter of a few weeks. He was mentally retracing his steps, just to reaffirm to himself that this was all real. They’d packed up and went to Redcliffe the day after their meeting in the war room. They found Alexius there and had to deal with the rift in the Chantry, as well as meeting Dorian and learning about the Venatori. After a brief trip back to Haven, they returned at Alexius’ invitation. They had a plan, everything was meant to go just fine. Then Alexius had started talking about how Shirave wasn’t meant to be in the way, and he used some kind of magic that Dorian interrupted. Now, they were in some horrible future. Just the two of them. He had no idea if anyone else was alive. He felt sick.

Dorian noticed his silent meltdown and touched his shoulder. “I understand this is hard to grasp, but the more time we spend here, the less of a chance we have at returning to our correct time and preventing this from happening.” He was trying to be at least a little gentle.  
“I...You’re right. Let’s get out of here.” Shirave nodded, clutching his staff tight in his hands.

Wandering through the ruined castle was hell. Shirave felt more and more on edge, the red lyrium growing everywhere terrifying him. He’d already heard about the effects of it from back in Kirkwall. He saw it firsthand with Meredith. He knew that he absolutely couldn’t let this future happen. He needed to find out why. How to fix it. He refused to let this come to pass. Finding his companions who’d been at the castle when they’d disappeared both relieved him and made him that much more worried. They found Varric first. Shirave felt horrible. He knew a bit about what had happened to his brother. For it to happen to happen to him as well...he felt guilty. They freed him as quickly as they could.

“Varric...what happened to Nyla?” Shirave asked, though he was terrified of knowing the answer.  
“I don’t know, Pastels. When you and him disappeared, she went ballistic. She tried to attack Alexius on her own. Never seen magic like that.” Varric’s voice was so scratchy and unfamiliar. Pained.  
Shirave went pale. “He didn’t...”  
“He didn’t kill her. But I don’t know where they took her.” He shook his head.

They found Bull shortly after that, though he was much worse for the wear. As they were passing through some halls, he heard a very familiar but pained voice. His blood boiled immediately. When he burst into the room, he saw two Venatori and Nyla, chained up with her arms over her head. She looked half dead, beaten and bloody and pale. Shirave screamed and unleashed his strongest bolts on the two. He didn’t stop for a second until they were nothing but charred husks, and Dorian was stopping him.

“They’re dead. Conserve your energy for when you really need it.” He said.

Shirave ignored him. He shrugged his hands off of him and unchained Nyla, helping her so she didn’t fall over. “Da’mi...” He choked, trying not to cry.  
“I knew you were alive.” She said tiredly. She hugged him, even as weak as she was.  
“What happened?” Dorian stepped towards them.  
Nyla shook her head. “Later. I think Leliana is still in a similar state. Once we get her, we can explain. It’s...very difficult.” She walked with a slight limp, picking up some daggers from a table in the room. 

He’d never felt more horrified, seeing his sister so gaunt and haggard. She looked like she was barely alive. Hell, she probably was just hanging on by a thread. But Shirave could tell, it was still Nyla. No matter what, she’d still been fighting this whole time, even if she couldn’t do it the way she wanted to. Shirave swallowed back a lump in his throat and nodded. Leliana was in a similar state, though the distraction they provided allowed her to choke out the man torturing her. The news about the death of Celine, the total takeover by the “god” that Alexius served...it made Shirave sick. He was mad, and afraid. They fought their way to the man, and they killed him. 

“I can reverse the magic and send us back. It will just take a bit of time.” Dorian told Shirave.  
“We don’t have much. He’s...he’s coming.” Nyla said. She and Leliana looked towards the door. They silently agreed with each other, and Nyla turned to Shirave and hugged him. “Da’vhenan. I’ll protect you. Just get back, and don’t let this happen. I know you can.” She said softly.  
“Nyla. No, please. You can’t!” Shirave protested.  
“Don’t move!” Dorian grabbed his arm.

He struggled to get away from him. Nyla smiled sadly and turned to help Leliana fight. Shirave had to wait, and watch. Dorian worked at the magic to open the portal. Shirave could hear Leliana praying while she fired arrow after arrow at the demons breaking through the door. Nyla was cutting them down as best she could as well. But they were both tired. Their stamina was so limited. Leliana ran out of arrows, and he watched her fall. Nyla kept on going even when there was no hope for her. A pride demon grabbed her, and Shirave’s eyes widened in horror when he watched it crush her body. He screamed just before Dorian pulled him through to safety. Once on the other side, he collapsed on the floor, sick to his stomach. Nyla ran to him.

“Shirave!” She knelt down by his side, putting her arms around him. He latched onto her.  
“Da’mi...” Shirave rasped weakly.  
Nyla looked up at Alexius, fury in her eyes. “What the hell did you do to him?!” She yelled.

Bull was the one to put himself in between them and Alexius, while the Inquisition forces slipped in and took care of the Venatori agents in the room. Nyla held Shirave close while he sobbed, broken down completely from the horrors he’d witnessed in that future. He didn’t pay any attention to the King coming in and casting the mages out of Redcliffe. He didn’t even hear Nyla tell them they should join the Inquisition, that they would be safe there. His mind was totally clouded over by what they’d been shown.

Nyla couldn’t get him to talk about it for days. He slept close to her, and never left her side. Shirave never lost that totally haunted look in his eyes. Not until they got back to Haven, and he was forced to tell the others about it. She was horrified herself, at first by the idea of red lyrium poisoning the world, then by what he had seen happen to her. She hugged him tightly.

“Can...can we please discuss this in full some other time?” She asked the four across from them. She was pleading with her eyes. She wanted to give him a chance to breathe, and not have to think about it.  
“Of course.” Leliana seemed to be the most understanding, thought they all looked sympathetic and concerned.  
“Thank you.”

Nyla led Shirave out of the Chantry and back to his house. She pulled thick blankets around them and held him close. Shirave was shaking. He held her, his arms tight around her waist. The memory was fresh in his mind, like a raw nerve that never stopped hurting. He buried his head against her shoulder and let out a shaky sob. Nyla couldn't even begin to imagine how seeing it firsthand must have been. She hugged him and rubbed his back, soothing him through his cries. 

“I’m here. I’m right here, Shirave. I’m not going to die. That will never happen. We’ll stop it. I promise. I’m so sorry.” She rocked him gently like she did when she comforted him as kids. He wanted to believe her. He so desperately did. But his hope was gone, and he was drained.  
“You were...you died, Nyla.” He whimpered.  
“Nothing is going to kill me that easily. Especially not now that we know what their plan is. I swear to you, it’s not going to happen.”

He tried to trust her and relax. Shirave fell into an uncomfortable and uneasy sleep with her. Those images of his sister being torn apart before him were never, ever going to leave him. Not for the rest of his life.


	7. Brighter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Lieutenant of the Chargers tries to give Shirave a hand with coping with the aftermath of Redcliffe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very very important note: this is a guest chapter that was not written by me. I just did Nyla's dialogue and some minor format and grammar correcting. This chapter was written by fereldans-finest.tumblr.com, Shirave's creator. 
> 
> T-minus one chapter to In Your Heart Shall Burn.

Shirave hadn't been to drink with the Chargers in quite some time. But, that was just because he hadn't been able to peel himself away from Nyla for long enough to even go over to them. It was the first time he was ready to do much of anything alone since Redcliffe, so he carefully went to the tavern, and got something to drink before he sheepishly went over to them. Bull grinned. “It's been a while, Shirave.” His voice was as warm as he remembered. It pulled him back out of the muck that the future he needed to prevent had dragged him into, if only for a moment.

Shirave nodded. “Yeah… I'm sorry. I just-”

Bull held his hand up, stopping his apology in its tracks. “No. I was there. I don't need you to apologize.” And he looked at Krem. “Just sit down with Krem here, and relax. Not a soul blames you for hanging around Nyla.” for how frightening of a man Bull was, he made Shirave feel safe.

Shirave was beyond relieved as he sat down next to Krem, who patted his shoulder lightly. “Chief told us what happened. Sorry to hear.” He said, his hand leaving Shirave quickly when he felt tension building in him. What had happened? Why did just a simple touch overwhelm him? Especially from Krem? He tried to just shake it off, and ignore it. “It's no one's fault. Thank you though.” He hummed and sipped his drink before he stood up again and started leaving. Even if it had felt good to be with his friends again, he couldn't help the way he was starting to feel, and he needed some air. He went out to the lake, unaware that Bull had sent Krem after him.

He was sitting quietly at the water's edge when the warrior joined him. “Shirave?”

Shirave looked at him, his expression rife with anxiety. “You didn't have to come with me.” He watched him curiously, hoping he would explain himself.

“No. But I'm not quite that much of an ass. Got a friend in bad shape.” He shook his head. “Need anything?”

Shirave shook his head. “No. It's just difficult to be around everyone right now.” He took a little breath. “I wish it wasn’t.” he added

Krem nodded “I’ve got that. Don't worry.” He told him. He paused briefly before he sighed “The chief's better at this stuff than me. Big oaf knows what's really eating you, every time. Comes with being a spy, I guess.” He spoke carefully. He knew Shirave needed it. “But you've beaten plenty down already. This is just another thing to power through. And, if I've ever seen you fight, I know you'll obliterate it. But you don’t have to do it alone. I’ve heard the Chief is good at smashing things up, too.” He got up after a short laugh. “Wanna finish your drink, or just head to bed?”

Shirave didn't know how he felt. His heart was racing. Did everyone really think this highly of him? How had he never noticed? He got up slowly, trying his hardest to think of what to say. Krem was patient, and he stood astutely there in his armor, giving him the time to answer. “I… I think I will finish my drink. I should probably get some food too.”

Krem nodded. “Good. Let's go do that. I'll cover the food.” He told him, setting his hand on shiraves back as they walked back to the tavern. He sat down with the Chargers again, and Krem brought him over a meal.  
“Good man, Krem.” He chuckled as Shirave gingerly took the food from him. As he ate, he warmed up, and he realized that in the time since Redcliffe, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to eat more than scraps. He closed his eyes and let out a content little sound. Krem kept his hand on the back of Shirave’s chair the whole time, protective even if the elf himself didn’t see that part yet.

Bull got up slowly, and Krem watched him curiously. “Just heading to go and relay a message, Krem, no need to follow me.” Shirave watched him, with just as much confusion has Krem had suspicion. But for now, he was here to try and take a break. He sat back in his chair, and krem’s hand moved around and rested on his shoulder, as if by habit. Shirave couldn’t keep his cheeks from going pink.

Outside, Bull had gone outside of Haven, to find Nyla. When he found her watching over the recruits as Cullen worked with them, he crossed his arms. “Up until Redcliffe, this was only the second biggest shitshow you two had seen.” he commented. Nyla looked up at him, sighing gently and nodding.

"So, I've been taking notice of something," bull started, after a short pause. "with your brother. And I wanted to run something by you." He uncrossed his arms, and cracked his knuckles. The sound of the recruits training picked up a little in front of them, but bull didn't move. He kept his eye trained on her, watching her expressions closely.

Nyla glanced over at him. "Good or bad? There's a lot going on with him right now." She asked him, turning her stance towards him a little now. Bull appreciated the way she paid attention.

"Good, if Krem doesn't fuck this up." Bull chuckled deeply again. "I wanted to make sure you were fine with the fact that my lieutenant is eventually gonna hunker down and snatch that kid up." He watched her still, watching for anger, for discomfort or distrust. He wouldn't let Krem take Shirave up if his family didn't trust him. No way in hell.

Nyla smiled a bit. "He ever tell you guys about that dream he had when we were kids? About his dream man?" She asked, looking back at the recruits now. Bull relaxed when he didn't see any of the reactions he'd been hoping she wouldn't have.

Bull shook his head, watching the recruits with her now as well. "Nope. But I have seen him pining. And Krems been pretending that he isn't protective of him. They're both horrible liars." He chuckled. "I wanted to get your blessing for him. Give him the little shove he needs. Not like he'll do it quite soon enough." He rolled his eye with only the mildest and most feigned of frustration.

"Shirave had...I guess you'd call it prophetic dreams. Usually they weren't… Too happy. But, in one of them, he saw himself happy with a man who was friends with a Qunari." She side-eyed Bull, smiling. "He's never been wrong before. So I've been hoping for this for a long time." The warmth she had when she talked about her brother like this was a refreshing change.

Bull laughed, deep from his belly, and he nodded. "Perfect. Absolutely perfect. That should light a fire under Krems ass." He patted her back. "Go on and kick Cullen's ass some. His recruits are getting sloppy over there." He turned to go now, plotting already "I'm gonna try and get some gears turning. You'll hear about whatever happens if Krem doesn't blow this off."  
Nyla nodded. "Thanks, Bull. For looking out for him. He needs more friends like you right now."

Bull stopped and nodded back at her. “He does. I'm happy to be in the kids circle. The both of you have a lot of potential. Powerful fucking kids. If this is what he needs to bring that shit out in him, I'm glad to do it.” He went back to the tavern after that.

He grinned at Krem as he settled into his seat, resting his knee as he started working on a new tankard of mead that had been waiting for him, with his arm around a now, very red elf, and figured, maybe he didn't need to push anything now.


	8. On The Horizon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next is the beginning of In Your Heart Shall Burn! Have this one small piece of promise before I rip the carpet out from under your feet.
> 
> I'm testing out some different formatting for future chapters, let me know how it looks and reads.

Fire. There was fire all around him. Smoke choked him, burned his eyes. Everything was burning. There was blood on him, on his sword, all over the ground. A great city crumbling to dust. People were running away, but when he tried to help them, they screamed and ran faster. Away from him. They feared him. Abominations surrounded him through the fire. They were laughing, taunting him. He collapsed, dropping his overheated sword. He shook under the weight of the laughter, the shame that filled him. They would never leave. They were just beyond his shoulder, watching, waiting for him to fail again. They thrust all of his failings in his face. Threw them at his feet like filth. Cullen buried his face in his hands, a scream tearing out of him with a great force that shook the ground beneath him. 

Cullen woke with a start, his body wracked with pain. A cold sweat covered him, made his clothes stick to his skin. He was at Haven, not Kirkwall. He was in his tent. There were no abominations here. It was all in those memories. Those nightmares. He shook the remnants of his dream from his mind. The tent suddenly felt too small. The air was thick and heavy, and he had to get out and breathe. He quickly pulled on the rest of his clothes and armor. He took a breath and stepped out into the cold. If he had to guess, it was an hour before dawn, judging from the way the sky looked. Just barely light enough to suggest the hint of the sun coming. Still too dark to see most shapes clearly. He did see one out of the ordinary, perched on a rock formation by the lake. A person, clearly, but he wasn’t sure who.

His curiosity more than his suspicion drove him forward. When he got closer he was able to see the points of two ears. He stopped where he was. Neither of the Lavellans would want his company. If Nyla was alone, she probably would want to stay that way. The only thing that stopped him from walking away and leaving her in peace, was the shaky breath she took. Cullen didn't feel it would be right to leave her alone. 

Ever since Redcliffe, he found himself watching her a little more closely. He told himself it was because she was on officer, and he needed to care about her well-being. When she wasn't with Shirave in his house, she was throwing herself deep into their training. So deep that he knew it had to be more than just her want to be prepared to take on the Breach. Where Shirave had been dealing with that future he'd seen emotionally, Nyla was avoiding it, pretending it didn’t exist. Running as fast as she could away from something impossible to ignore. Maybe it was finally just catching up to her. 

“You're going to freeze that way if you don't move.” 

Cullen jolted a bit when her voice cut the silence. He didn't realize he'd just been spaced out, standing there. When he refocused, she wasn’t looking at him. She hadn’t moved at all. Her legs were still pulled up towards her chest, and she still gazed straight ahead. Her eyes cold as that ice in front of her itself.

“I heard your armor. It's not quiet. If you were trying to sneak up on me.” She continued.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude.” Cullen turned slightly away.

“You didn't.”

She straightened her back and let her legs hang over the side of the rocks again. Her feet were bandaged. At least Varric had convinced them to do that much to protect themselves. Still, Nyla didn’t look back at him. He hoped they weren’t back at square one again, with her returning to cold loathing for him.

”I just needed to think.” Nyla leaned forward, putting her hands on her knees.

“Is that all?” Cullen asked carefully.

“...No. I guess it's not.” She shook her head, lowering it so her face was partially obscured by her hair.

She fell silent for a long pause. He wasn't sure what to tell her. What could he really say? He wasn't sure how much he could change. But he had to say something. Cullen walked forward, standing by the side of the rock formation. Close enough to offer comfort, but far enough to give her space. Nyla turned her head to look at him. 

“I don't know how you're feeling right now. If you're afraid, or just being outrun by your emotions. I've found...trying to run does nothing. Ignoring it won’t make it hurt any less. Addressing it might not right all of the wrongs, or even make things lighter right away...” Cullen was quiet and gentle when he spoke. He turned his head and looked up at her. She was looking at him, in deep thought. She laughed finally, though it didn't sound right. It was too hard. 

“I used to tell Shirave that all the time when we were younger. After mother died. He shut himself away and wouldn’t talk to anyone, even if it was killing him. I never could practice what I preached. I just thought that working hard would push it out of my head.” Nyla shook her head.

“You're trying to protect yourself. I understand.” Cullen said quickly. “It’s fair to want to keep yourself safe. What you are doing now, however, isn’t fair. It’s not fair to you. It’s not fair to the people who care for you here. If you allow it to fester inside of you, it will only cause more damage. I’ve learned that, after so many years.” He frowned and looked away, not wanting her to see the flash of hurt. A brief memory of his nightmares coming back to the front. “I know it may still be hard to trust me. All the same, if you need someone to confide in, I am here.”

Nyla seemed to consider it. She took a breath, just a brief intake and exhale. When he looked back at her, she’d relaxed. That was a good sign. She was comfortable. She wasn’t defensive.

“Do you have dreams of Kirkwall?” She lowered her voice.

“Yes. There are few nights where I dream of anything else.” Cullen admitted to her with a nod.

“...Me too.” A pause passed between them. “I’ve never dreamt of anything else. Not since we left. It’s that, or nothing at all. Not until Shirave told me about Redcliffe. I never considered the motive behind the Breach. I never thought about someone using it to do something horrific. At the start of all of this, I just wanted to be able to get rid of it so we could go home. But that can’t happen, can it?”

Cullen saw the sorrow in her eyes, unleashed for the first time in what was probably days for her. He reached out and rested his hand on her arm. She didn’t pull away. If anything, she sank a bit towards him. Nyla touched her face, running her hand along the left side and into her hair.

“Whatever comes after the Breach. We can stop it. And if the mark is gone from Shirave’s hand...you two have no obligation to stay. You can leave.” Something in him rebelled against that thought. He didn’t really want them to leave. Maybe it was more specific. Cullen didn’t want her to leave? That idea was instantly shut away, back into the recesses of his mind. He squeezed her arm gently. “That you stayed at all despite all of the challenges is good enough.”

Nyla laughed a little. “No, I think we’re in too deep now. We’ve made friends. Shirave is...enamored with someone. Leaving isn’t going to happen.” Her laughter chased some of the darkness out of her eyes.

Nyla slipped down from the rock, out of his grip, and she stretched her arms above her head. She stayed there and stood with him, while the sun rose above the horizon. Then she walked past him, back towards the camp.

“We should get everyone up and moving. And I’m not deflecting. We just still have work to do.” She looked back at him over her shoulder. “...Thank you.”

“Of course.” He smiled at her warmly. Cullen thought he saw something change in her eyes for a moment. Nyla very quickly turned her head and started walking back. He followed a few paces behind her and didn’t even blink when she picked up a practice sword and hit it against a hanging shield, as hard as she could, rousing all of the recruits from their peaceful sleep. All the while doing it with a smug grin on her face.


	9. In Your Heart Shall Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Breach is sealed, and the battle for Haven begins.

Shirave found himself standing on top of a table, the Chargers surrounding him and thrusting their tankards into the air. There was a great cheer through the tavern. Everyone was celebrating. The Breach had been destroyed. Shirave did it. He eliminated the threat. He’d done something incredible. In essence, he’d saved the world. They were all so happy. It had been him who did it. He was so proud of himself. It just got better from there. When he sat down, Krem put his arm on the back of his chair again. It lifted his spirits higher than he thought it was possible for them to go. 

“I'm proud of you, Pastels.” Varric said, approaching him with a smile on his face. “Hawke is going to cry when he hears about this.” He added that part quietly.

Shirave beamed. “Thank you, Varric. Have you seen Nyla?” 

“I think she had to wrap up some things with the soldiers.”

Shirave nodded. He understood. She'd been right by his side when he closed the Breach, to support and defend him if something happened. She still had a job to do, though. She'd come when she could. Shirave nestled into his chair, subconsciously leaning against Krem's arm. He didn't see the wide smile on Bull’s face when he did that. He was too blissfully happy. He drank from his tankard, listening to the joyful buzz of all of the people around them.

Nyla was just coming out of the Chantry, after having one last talk with Josephine, Leliana, and Cullen in Shirave’s place. She wanted him to relax. She stopped by the fire outside, looking at the tavern. She heard the Chargers singing and smiled. Despite there being some kind of unease in her. She heard crunching footsteps in the snow and turned her head. Cassandra came over to her, standing next to her.

“The Breach is sealed, but something still troubles you.” It was a statement.

“I don’t know. Doesn’t it all seem...too easy?” Nyla rubbed one of her arms.

“It is possible that something may happen beyond this. For now, you should take solace in the victory we earned today.”

It was comforting, in its own way. At least, it should have been. Were it not for the flickers of orange light Nyla instantly spotted in the distance. She stepped forward. “Something’s wrong.”

She ran down just seconds before the watchmen on the walls rang the warning bell. She knew this hadn’t felt right. Shirave rushed out of the tavern and stood by her side. He looked at her, scared and worried. Nyla didn’t have an answer for him. Cullen came rushing out to talk to the men on the wall, and Leliana and Josephine joined them. Cullen came back looking grave.

“There is a massive force approaching from the mountains. Under no flag.” He said, looking at Shirave and Nyla.

Before she could ask what to do, there was a banging on the gate and a muffled voice behind it begging them to let him in. Shirave went down to the door and let a man in, after he killed a very strange looking soldier about to rush them. Nyla quickly rushed out to join the soldiers who were scrambling to prepare for another battle. Shirave was gathering his companions for the fight, and when he came out to her, Krem was with them now as well. Nyla gave him a grateful look and he nodded. Soldiers were being given their orders, and were rushing to the trebuchets as fast as they could. Cullen came over to their small group.

“That’s Samson up there. Do you remember him?” He asked.

“Not fondly.” Nyla frowned. She remembered a snake of a man. Shirave remembered the same.

“This isn’t going to be easy. The best thing for you to do would be to protect our men preparing the trebuchets. Otherwise, they’ll be overrun, and we won’t stand a chance.” Cullen was very serious.

Nyla looked to Shirave. While she knew he was scared, he looked determined. He nodded. “We’ll do everything we can. Let’s go.” He held his staff tightly. Nyla pulled out her daggers and rushed with him, Varric, Dorian, Bull, and Krem to the first point they needed to defend. She was terrified when she saw the first Templar, Red Lyrium covering his body and bursting through his armor. It made her feel sick. It reminded her of Meredith. That was frightening on its own. But they did what they needed to. They fought fiercely, keeping all of the tainted Templars away from their soldiers who were preparing to fire. It hurt her to see others falling. Men and women she’d worked with for months. They’d all become important to her in one way or another. Seeing them die was hard. Just another thing to haunt her. They had to press on. Had to man the other trebuchet on their own after the defeat the soldiers suffered at the hands of the Templars there. 

Nyla was bruised, her face cut in a few places. It didn’t make her stop. She dashed around their attacks, dodging magic from Dorian and Shirave. The barrier that surrounded her, Krem, and Bull never disappeared for a second. Shirave wanted them safe. His main focus was on them. His sister, his friend, and the man he was certain that he wanted to be with. Krem was fighting so hard to keep them from coming close to Shirave. Him specifically. His maul crashed into the man in front of him, shattering crystals and armor. Nyla ran up the hill to take out an archer. Blood splashed onto her clothes, but she hardly noticed. She was in constant motion. She had to protect them. 

The sight of the dragon that attacked them immediately after made Shirave's blood freeze. It was horrifying, and it was going to kill everything. He didn't hear Nyla or Krem urging him that they needed to go back. He just started running back on his own, and they followed him. Cullen was trying to help people get inside, and they forced the doors closed once they were safely inside. His head was in a fog, everything was on fire and people were dying. So many people were dying. Soldiers, innocent civilians. He gripped his staff tightly. 

“We need to retreat to the chantry, decide what we can do from there.” Cullen said, rousing Shirave from his thoughts. 

“Go. I want to try and help as many people as I can.” Shirave said with no hesitation. 

Cullen looked unsure, but he nodded and left. Nyla nodded at Shirave. She agreed. She wanted to help. So they rushed through Haven. They did everything they could. Shirave was so focused on helping that he didn't see the large Templar coming up behind him until his shadow was over him, sword raised and poised to strike.


	10. Borrowed Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shirave is saved, but only for a moment. Their end is in sight.

Metal clashed against metal and sparks flew to the bloody snow around them. Shirave stared up, his eyes wide. He knelt in the shadow of Cullen, who was standing firmly in front of him with his shield raised. It took only a half second for Nyla to drive her daggers into the back of the infested Templar, and wrench him back away from the two. Cullen turned to help Shirave up. He didn’t flinch away. Cullen had saved his life. If he didn’t step in at that exact moment, nothing would have stopped that sword from running him through. He didn’t have to. He didn’t even have to come back for them. He could have gone straight to the Chantry and left them behind. But he didn’t. He was there, trying to fight with them. Shirave held his staff tightly. Nyla and Krem finished off a few straggling warriors and rushed to their side.

“We must get to the Chantry, quickly!” Cullen ordered. 

Nyla nodded. She and Cullen lingered just a few paces behind the others with Bull, watching their back for any other attackers. She heard the voice of that man, the one who wanted her and Shirave imprisoned for killing the Divine, ushering everyone urgently into the Chantry for solace. Bull and Cullen slammed the doors shut. Nyla checked Shirave quickly. Of course, they were both hurt in their own ways. Cuts, bruises, burns on their skin. When he tried to heal her, she stopped him by gently grabbing his wrist.

“Preserve your strength. This isn’t over.” She said in a murmur.

“He wants you.” Cole said from where he was kneeling by Roderick. He was looking at Shirave, and she felt him tremble.

“Because of the mark?” Shirave asked.

Cole didn’t answer. He just looked at Roderick. He blinked slowly. Cullen rushed over to them, and Shirave turned to him. Things looked very grave, and Nyla knew there wasn’t an out this time. Shirave wrung his hands around the grip of his staff.

“Is there anything we can do to buy time so there won’t have to be more innocent lives taken?” Shirave asked.

Cullen was taken aback but recovered quickly. “There’s nothing that will make this survivable. But we could turn the remaining trebuchets and cause one last avalanche.”

“Bury Haven and take them with it.” Nyla caught on to what he was thinking, and he nodded.

“We’re dying. But we can decide how.” Cullen said seriously, looking at her.

That was true. They could at least choose to fight before they died. Nyla stepped closer to Shirave, and he instinctively reached for her hand. The sudden interruption from Roderick made them turn. He told them of the passage they could use to escape into the mountain. It seemed like a viable option. For some. Shirave went serious and Nyla knew he’d made his choice, and she agreed with it.

“Cullen. Take him and get everyone to safety.” He was putting on a brave face. She could tell.

“But what of your escape?” Cullen was concerned.

“You said we’re dying. I won’t do it on my knees.” Shirave turned and walked away towards the doors.

“You won’t make it with the Archdemon on your trail. Let us do this. We’ve been ready for this. At least we can help before it ends.” Nyla started to follow Shirave.

“Nyla.”

There was something strange in the tone of his voice that made her stop. She wasn’t sure what it was. Fear? No, it couldn’t be. But she did look up at him regardless. Cullen was curling and uncurling his hand around his sword, unsure. Fighting a battle in himself. Nyla wondered if she should say something to him. Thanking him for saving Shirave seemed like a moot point now. But that act did make it clear to her that there was little of the man they loathed in him now. Would it offer any comfort for him to know that at least, before they died, they could finally see him as worth redemption? But her throat was dry and she said nothing. Cullen sighed finally.

“Keep the Elder One occupied until we’re above the treeline. If you...” He hesitated. He shook his head in frustration. “I pray that you and Shirave find a way to escape.” Cullen walked away to help get people out.

Varric, Bull, and Dorian were standing by the doors. Nyla looked at Varric and shook her head. Before he could protest, she hugged him.

“You need to live. Someone has to tell them. Please, just...tell them we went down fighting.” She said softly.

“...Nyla.” It hurt to hear him call her by name. “You know. Everyone in this blighted group has survived death more times than I can count. I believe that extends to the two of you. You’ll come back. But I’ll go.” Varric patted their arms before he went to follow the others.

“You two don’t need to stay, either.” Shirave put his hand on the door, ready to push it open and go face their fate.

“And leave my two favorite elves to die alone at the hands of an Archdemon? Perish the thought.” Dorian gave them a smile.

“You need a little bit of protection. That’s what you hired me for, right?” Bull chuckled.

“Chief.” Krem jogged over, still holding his maul. He was prepared to go out as well, but Bull scowled at him.

“Not you. You go get my boys out of here before everything goes to shit. Understand?”

Shirave could feel Krem’s eyes on his back. He didn’t want to turn around. Didn’t want to break. He just shoved the door open and walked outside before he had to hear his voice again, and Nyla followed after him. They heard the doors close behind them, and their friends joined their side. Nyla smiled at Shirave. They didn’t need to say anything. No goodbyes, no tears. Not now. Realistically, they knew they never stood a chance. They were just living on borrowed time granted by the kindness of others. Now they could give that back. Shirave ran out first to attack the first wave of Templars that had broken in in the wake of the attack from the dragon. He held nothing back. His magic went wild. As Nyla ran past him, she saw him take a knife from his side and cut his hand, blood bursting from the wound. She didn’t want to watch him do blood magic. She knew how desperate he must have felt. She focused her energy on keeping the rest off of him and Dorian. Bull fought in tandem with her, axe ripping through them like paper. When they fell, Nyla looked up to the sky, just to see a horizon bathed in red and fire. The silhouette of the dragon was circling to return.


	11. The Dawn Will Come

Shirave was holding a sword. His vision was blurring, head pounding both from the blood loss from his magic, and being thrown around by Corypheus. Nyla was lying in a crumpled heap in the snow, struggling to get up, but once he’d been thrown she went into a frenzy and tried to attack. A huge mistake, and he was terrified at how hurt she must have been. He held the blade tight in his hand and when Corypheus tried to come closer, Shirave slammed the sword against the trebuchet, releasing it. He ran as fast as he could to Nyla, throwing himself over her. The great beating of the wings of the dragon blew them both into a hole in the ground, and they were tossed down to the ground below. It was some kind of cavern, but Shirave didn’t have much time to think about it. He passed out, exhausted and hurt.

Only a few minutes passed, and Nyla pushed herself up. Her whole body ached. There was a large slash through the armor on one of her arms. It felt numb. She looked around and couldn’t find her daggers, but she did see Shirave and limped to where he lay. 

“Da’vhenan. Please wake up.” She lifted him into her lap with her good arm. 

He slowly opened his eyes. She was so relieved. “Da’mi...?”

“Mhm. We’re alive. Somehow, we made it.” She couldn't understand how. It was just blind, dumb luck. 

Nyla helped him stand up. When he saw her arm, he gasped. She grabbed his wrist. 

“Don't try to heal me. You're spent. We need every bit of strength we can get to find the rest of the Inquisition.” She patted his arm. He knew she was right. They had a heavy battle through ice and snow ahead of them. So they limped on. 

...

Krem had been the first to offer to take watch. Insisted on it, really. And Bull was fine with it.

“It'll give him something to do other than pace around the fire.” He shrugged when Cullen asked him if that was fine. 

Krem was relieved when Cullen told him to go. He gathered up his maul and went to join the patrol up on the ridge. Bull patted Cullen heavily on the shoulder when he watched him go.

“Take a breath. They'll pull through.” He said before he returned to his men.

That's what Varric had said after the shaking stopped and they knew the avalanche was over, and Haven was gone. But Cullen was so very aware of the slight tremor in his hand. The dwarf had been eyeing his paper and pen. Of course, if they died, he'd have letters to write. Cullen knew he didn't want to do that. He didn't want him to have to. He turned his eyes up to the hill again, running his gloved hand through his hair. Those two had done something he didn't think anyone else would have been willing to do. They all but threw themselves on the sword to save the lives of people they didn't even know if they trusted. And that part sickened him. The determination in their eyes when they outwardly said they were ready to die. How long had that festered in them? Had they been waiting for a moment like this? A chance to finally be free? Cullen felt a knot tighten in his stomach. They deserved better. So much more than what they'd been given. Better than what they had done to them. 

They were in a lull between furious arguments, giving him time to breathe. Almost the second they'd finished arranging their makeshift camp, he, Cassandra, Leliana, and Josephine had been at each other’s throats. Trying to decide what to do now. What could they do? They'd potentially gotten a child and his sister killed. If he was dead, the anchor was gone. The rifts would never be closed. What was the Inquisition meant for now? His hand closed around a coin in his pocket. Cullen was anxious and frightened. He didn't want them to die. 

You don't want her to die.

It was an intrusive thought that made him pause. No, he didn't want either of them to die. That was true. It just didn't stop his mind from wandering to Nyla. It was ridiculous. He'd had feelings for people before. He thought with disdain about the foolish way he'd treated the Hero when she was a mage in the Circle. Having feelings for Nyla was dangerous. She was dangerous. She was cold steel and sharp edges, and she would never, ever see him in an affectionate manner. He was just guilty, he decided. His guilt over putting them in yet another horrid position was causing his worry. That was all. It had to be. If it wasn’t, he was doomed. He shook his head and started to walk up to the hill. Cassandra caught up to him and matched his strides, but he didn’t want to look at her. Her insistence in arguing was infuriating to him, even if he was keeping it up just as much as she was. They reached the hilltop just as Krem was running down it.

“There!”

Cullen started running with Cassandra. There, just on the other side, were Shirave and Nyla. Shirave had collapsed into the snow and Krem was picking him up. Nyla wobbled unsteadily and moved to follow him as he carried Shirave back to camp. They both looked like hell. Injured and tired. Cullen went to her. When he offered his hand, she shook her head. She took a few more steps forward and he could see that she was about to fall. Fortunately, he caught her and lifted her into his arms before she did. She was holding her right arm away from him. He could see the gash through it and he grit his teeth. He walked back to camp slowly, keeping Nyla shielded from the snow and cold as best he could. She was unconscious by the time they returned and he had set her on a bed beside Shirave. The only remaining healers set to fixing them.

“Cullen. There’s nothing we can do now.” Cassandra was urging him away.

“That’s always the issue, isn’t it? There’s nothing we can do, so they make an answer for us and suffer for it.” Cullen spat.

“They are alive. Is that not enough for you?” She was clearly unimpressed with his opinion.

“No. It isn’t.” He stormed away. He needed to talk to his remaining soldiers. 

“And who will you blame for this? All of us? The attack was not of our doing. We did not sentence them to death.”

“We certainly didn’t try to help. Myself included. We stood there and watched while they saved lives at the cost of their own. You don’t know what I heard when they spoke of the idea. They were ready to die, and that is a sacrifice none of us will ever be prepared to make.”

“So you will condemn us all rather than take advantage of the time they gave us. What a waste.”

Cullen whirled on her and the arguing started up all over again. It went on for too long. His head was pounding. They were so deep into it that they didn’t notice Nyla and Shirave stirring, sitting up on their cots. Shirave blinked slowly while he listened to them fight. Varric chuckled beside him.

“They’ve been fighting on and off from the minute we got here. Driving us all up a wall. How are you feeling, kids?” He looked at them.

“Tired.” Shirave rubbed one of his arms. “But I don’t feel like I’m about to die.”

“That’s the important part. Knives?” Varric addressed her as well.

“I’m ok. Why are they fighting?” Nyla sat up and put her feet on the ground.

“They can’t decide what to do next. You know how it is. Big traumatic event and everyone wants to play the blame game.” The dwarf shrugged. “You need to stay here, though. You’ve been through the worst. Rest. You deserve it.”

It was pointless to convince them, however. They both got up anyways. The four in the camp stopped arguing when they emerged, separating and going into different corners. When Shirave got stopped by Mother Giselle, Nyla looked down at Varric. His face was the portrait of relief, and he was crumpling up some papers. She figured that she knew what they were. He didn’t have to send them, so he was happy. Shirave came back and joined them seconds before a murmur began. Singing. Everyone except for them, looking up at the sky and singing. Something about it filled her with a bit of hope. It was confusing. But she liked it.


	12. Inquisitor Lavellan

The exhaustion in Shiraves bones when they actually reached Skyhold made them ache. When they named him Inquisitor, and rallied everyone before him was another story altogether. Never in his wildest dreams could he have seen this coming. 

They had brought him up, and the only thing in his head was ‘Are they sure about this? Why not Cassandra? Aren't I young to lead an organization like this?’ He could barely understand what had been said to him around his shock and doubt. It was all a blur, and he was terrified by it. He only barely managed to hide that. He wasn't sure if he was honored by his new title or if he felt immense pressure now. Choosing the right words as he stood before the Inquisition- his Inquisition - his people - it was a task he could barely get his head around. But he did it. He did it, and everyone seemed thrilled. Below him, the Chargers were cheering louder than anyone. That fact alone helped still his shaking hand as he held the sword handed to him up to the sky. 

Seeing everyone before him like that, all cheering when before, under their breath, they'd called him filthy things. Knife ear stood out. He remembered that word rolling out of their mouths under their breath as if he wouldn't hear them and as if it wouldn't hurt him. It didn't feel real that many of those same people were now before him, screaming their approval and joy. When he put the sword back down, it all started to set in. He was their leader now. Their leader. He was a hero to them, like Hawke had been. 

But was he fit for that? Anxiety gripped him suddenly around the pride. “As… as Inquisitor, I would like… I would like my first action to be naming my left hand. My sister, Nyla Lavellan, will be as much a leader as I am.” He tried to keep his voice strong as he lifted his sister in rank beside him, but despite his efforts, he wavered. There was more cheering, so much more cheering. More than he could ever have hoped he and Nyla would garner. When he was finally allowed to go, he went to the Herald's Rest. There was someone he had to speak to as soon as he could. 

When he went inside, first he was relieved by the warmth from the fire and all the people inside, and then, he heard a familiar song. He made a beeline for the Chargers spot, and found a seat and a drink waiting for him next to Krem. He smiled warmly and sat down, Krem's familiar arm resting around his chair when he settled. He sipped his drink and paused. What he'd been expecting had been maybe a Fereldan mead. But this was something else. It was the very same warm cider that Hawke would get for them every night at the hanged man back at home. He teared up a little, and looked around. “Who…” 

“Wish I could take the credit for that one.” Krem laughed. “It was Varric.” He told him moments later. “Came up, handed me that mug and told me; Wait until Pastels gets here and hand this off.” He laughed, the sound felt like a warm bath after all of the cold mountain travel to Shirave. 

“That's… how did he get this here?” Shirave wondered out loud as he gratefully sipped it again. Next to him, Krem shrugged and took a drink from his own mug. It felt right again, at least for now. Thoughts of Haven were far, far from his mind. Instead, he was thinking about how much he wanted Krem's armor off so he could feel the warmth of him closer, and how much he missed Kirkwall, as much of a shithole the place was. 

After a while, Krem broke his silence. “Doing okay in there, Inquisitor?” He smiled around the title. As intimidated as Shirave was by his title, it felt good when Krem used it. 

He took a moment to answer him. He wasn't actually sure how he was doing. There was far too much in his head. “I… I'm doing as well as I can be, considering everything right now.” He nodded. 

Bull watched him carefully. “Get some decent rest when you head out tonight kid. You need it. We all do. But you brushed a lot closer to death than the rest of us. You and your sister both.” He nodded. Shirave noticed Krem get tense while Bull talked. 

He looked at Krem with worry. Krem immediately softened, and sighed “Can we talk outside for a second?” He spoke very quietly. Shirave's heart stopped for a moment but he nodded, and went outside with him. 

The cool air bit his skin now, but with Krem he didn't mind it at all. “Shirave. I… maker, this is…” Krem tried to put his words back together. “Seeing you almost die. It killed me a little. I can't take any more chances.” 

Shirave blinked and took his hand. “What do you mean?”

“Any of these days could be the day one of those bastards takes you from me. I can't risk not…” Krem lost it again, and gave up, grabbing Shirave and pulling him into a kiss that stole the air from his lungs. It stunned him for a moment. Krem pulled back after a short amount of time, but to the both of them, it had felt like years they'd been kissing. 

“I'm so sorry Shirave.” Krem began, but Shirave cut him off, going back in and pressing only the softest kiss against Krem's lips.

“I'm yours, vhenan. All you had to do was ask me.” He smiled. Krem could never have seen something more beautiful than Shirave smiling like that. Really smiling for the first time under the moonlight. 

“Go find your sister and get some rest. I… if you'll have me… I'll join you this evening.” And Shirave nodded eagerly. He kissed Krem one more time, and the man laughed a little. “You're soft, Shirave. Feels nice. I'll see you later.” And he went back in, happy to drink with Bull a little longer now that there was a heaviness removed from him. 

When he finally left, after watching Krem go back into the Herald's Rest, Shirave ran to find his sister. He had to see Nyla right then, because he was ready to burst. He didn't stop running until he spotted her. He was so thrilled. He had to talk to her, he had to see her face, see how happy she would be for him, and most importantly, finally go with her to rest in the beds they had for them in the Inquisitors chambers.

Nyla was just walking out of the library area when he came up. When she saw how happy he was, she smiled. "Evening, Inquisitor." She teased. It lifted his spirits that much more to joke with her. 

He hugged her tightly, wasting no time at all. "Nyla. Creators, Nyla. I'm so happy." He was nearly in tears. "Can we go lie down for the night and talk?" He was fast. His words came out a little jumbled, but Nyla understood him anyways. 

She nodded. "They said the door to our quarters is over by the throne." She gestured for it and walked with him. Shirave was looking at everything. His throne. The rubble that workers were clearing, the fires in the braziers. Everything he could take in to try and keep things steady, he did. He held Nyla's hand tight as they went, bouncing a little with every step. He was buzzing with excitement. 

"What got into you?" She asked as they went upstairs. So far, there were only two beds, both were Orlesian style, but it didn't matter to either of them all that much. She sat down on one of them.

Shirave sat on the other bed, rubbing the duvet slowly. "He's mine Nyla. He kissed me. And he... Nyla!" He laughed, trying to explain to her as coherently as he could. He was so thrilled. He was shaking a little bit under his excited fidgeting, watching her face for any reactions. 

It took her a second. "...Krem? Krem kissed you?" She asked, with a tone that made Shirave feel wonderful, and a grin that only served to further overjoy him. "That's amazing!"

Shirave nodded. "He said... he told me that what happened at Haven scared him. And that he couldn't take more chances." He took her hands. "He's coming back up here tonight, he's going to sleep up here with me. I'm so excited." He told her, still fast, but stumbling less now. 

"I'm so happy for you." She got up to hug him tightly. "You deserve it." She said softly into his neck. Her voice made him feel as at home as the cider had. He was warm and safe now, and so was she. 

He nodded after a moment, tearing up. He smiled at her. "Let's get some rest. Everyone says we need it. I think we deserve it at this point. What do you say?"

"Yeah. Varric was telling me there's someone coming soon we need to talk to. We need the rest." Nyla rubbed his arms gently. She wiped some of his tears away, which pulled a gentle giggle from him. 

Shirave nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay... I wonder who it'll be?" He said as he laid down, looking over at her with a soft smile.

"We'll find out soon enough, but he said it was important." Nyla smiled brightly at him. She squeezed his hand. "I haven't seen you smile like that in years."

He squeezed her hand back as he settled in. "I haven't felt this good in years." Outside, the stars shone brighter than they'd ever seen. Shirave felt good. About everything that was coming immediately. It lulled him to sleep, still smiling.

Nyla watched him for a moment before she lied down to rest herself. She woke up briefly when Krem came in and stripped out of his armor, and removed his leather bindings before he got into the bed with her baby brother. He held Shirave like a treasure, tucking his head under his chin and holding him tight. Nyla smiled. Shirave didn't stir at all. There was a silence, full of warmth and gentility. 

“I hope you don't mind.” Krem told her softly. He was playing with Shirave's hair idly. 

“He needs you. And you made him happy for the first time in years. No one has seen him smile like that since he was 14.” She told him. Krem's heart broke a little, and he held him closer. “I approve. But my approval isn't the one you really want to get. I hope you get to meet our brother. He's the one you'd have to ask for consent.” She laughed a little. “Good night Krem. Take good care of my baby brother.” She left her threat unvoiced, but Krem could feel the protection of her and other very powerful people over Shirave. 

He couldn't have been more grateful for that fact.


End file.
